Corrupt a wish

[ble003]

there are now christmas jacob's ladders instead.

being the only one who experiences that i have hobbit feet is actually better than just having them. like, i want them because they're tough and warm so i don't need shoes, not because they're pretty. unless you mean they're totally imaginary and my feet are bleeding.

i wish for the ability, while holding a book, to detect alignment of any object (though usually only people (also objects) have it), based on the moral scales explicit or implicit in that book if any. ie detect good/law according to that edition if i hold a d&d book, and detect people's karma and tendency to lose it if i hold a buddhist book.

 

[Rocketeer593]

You are now an actual judge of character as long as you hold a book, but the letters and imagery disappear from whatever you touch a rate of 5 square centimeters per second, steadily ruining its value to both your power and its intended purpose until the entire thing is blank. Due to such you have immense difficulty writing or reading handwritten notes, nor can you touch or have tattoos. Touching an electronic screen merely causes the affected area to black out on your end until it's refreshed by the device (which happens many times a second), but your power doesn't work unless it's a physical copy of a book with bare hands (no E-books or gloves).

This thread is a both a mental workout (makes you think like a daemonic lawyer), and gives devils, demons, and other deal/wish making unsavory characters (ie Jafar when he's a Genie/Djinn) free ideas on wish/deal manipulation. Couldn't have picked a better thread to show how horrible we humans can be when we choose to.

Also, Nunaden took my original idea for a "wish" to distort because it's the most likely to stump people for twists with only two actual options do so. The first being you becoming nothing, ie not even your corpse exists anymore although people memories are unchanged, and the second being all becoming nothing, ie the entire universe and/or any/all alternate universes becomes nothing but a perfect vacuum with not a single atom of anything at all.

I Want "NOTHING"! *dom dom dooom!*

Instead, for the purposes of this thread, Mr. Torgue is "wished" to have 64 shotgun shells for his amazballs weapon so he (or some merc or robot of his) can shoot some critters.

Spoiler: Likely twist

They are no longer shotgun shells, but turtle shells of some color (perhaps blue) from the Mario universe

 

[ble003]

they have propellant on both sides; firing detonates the back-propellant, which detonates the front-propellant, which slows or stops the shot. as a result, they're effectively overpowered blanks that sometimes damage the gun or jam the mechanism with loose shot. he knows they're from you.

i wish for the ability to use the "psi" keyword on variables in every programming language. this keyword lets the user change them by thinking the statement to do so.

 

[Nunaden]

you can use the "psi" keayword - but everytime you try to do that you fuck everything up

Also, Nunaden took my original idea for a "wish" to distort because it's the most likely to stump people for twists with only two actual options do so. The first being you becoming nothing, ie not even your corpse exists anymore although people memories are unchanged, and the second being all becoming nothing, ie the entire universe and/or any/all alternate universes becomes nothing but a perfect vacuum with not a single atom of anything at all

If you had been smart you would have given me a gift of nothing.... (blowing reference)


I wish I would neither die nor live forever.

 

[W.cheff]

You are now a rock.

As you are not alive you can neither live forever nor die

I wish fir the comfiest pants ever.

 

[SomeUnregPunk]

Well... it exists but I own it and I'm not into sharing.

I wish I had a nice cup of coffee right now.

 

[ble003]

unattended cups of coffee all over the world become sapient, grow insect-legs and seek you out. they write tiny notes begging to be drunk, in various languages and with varying eloquence. this will continue to happen.

i wish all the keys on both my keyboards worked.

 

[SomeUnregPunk]

They do work. Just not on your system. Ever.

I wish coffee creamer also became sapient as it would make this free coffee a bit more pleasant to drink.

 

[ble003]

the creamer is tsundere; it stays nearby and writes vague notes, but doesn't present itself. you have to hunt it down. also remember that some have had to skitter far - both are frequently spoiled.

i wish for an ability i can enable and disable at will, which lets me pass through anything that is alive or was part of something alive less than thirty days ago (so i don't need to breathe pollen or worry about stepping on pets), neither affecting the other in any way. this effect applies atom by atom. to find an object, start with a molecule. each molecule within 1 nanometre of that molecule that would not change its distance from that molecule by more than 0.3 nanometres if there was suddenly nothing other than them in the universe for 0.1 seconds is part of the object. repeat for those molecules (never took chemistry). everything that's touching my body when i enable this ability, including objects and volumes of liquid (but not volumes of gas) gains this property, and i cannot pass through things that have this property. while it's active, i can also deliberately apply it to objects i'm touching or inside. when i disable it for me, i also disable it for everything else. if i re-enable collision between two objects that are inside each other, whether by applying my ability to something i'm inside or disabling the ability, those objects will gently and completely expel each other before they regain collision. this expulsion always applies an acceleration of 1g to the object as a whole and never greater than 2g to any part of the object, and also applies to spaces enclosed by an object unless the longest a hydrogen-atom could travel in a straight line relative to the object within that space is farther than 1/2 meter (so if two shirts are clipping they'll end up stacked or side by side instead of inside each other, and if i'm clipping pathogens or they are inside holes in my body those will still be expelled. if there is a fresh fruit on a table, neither of which have this ability applied to them, and i place my hands one on each side of that fruit without touching it and then disable the ability, it will be expelled until it's no longer between them; that's how careful i want to be about objects ending up inside each other.)

tl:dr - i wish i can, at will, gain and disable the ability to go through material that is alive or was alive less than 30 days ago, and give things i'm touching or passing through that ability. things that can pass through each other and are inside each other are expelled gently, whether that inside means clipping or surrounded by (unless it's surrounded by a space that's larger than any in a human body).

 

[SomeUnregPunk]

Congratulations! You wished into existence, sentient air. It's now running for political office.

I wish for some sugar to go with this willing coffee and tsundere creamer.

 

[ble003]

the sugar is a hivemind, and you get more than the others because it's more common to leave sugar unattended and uncontained than it is creamer or finished coffee. the sugar wants you to eat it, but refuses to let you because it knows you shouldn't eat sugar. it pushes you to improve your lifestyle. while it's being used, the notes the rest writes are reduced to pleased gibberish, then it gets shy and keeps just out of sight for a few days. it's fast and determined enough that you can't usually catch it, and will open doors and windows to escape.

 

[W.cheff]

you gain a rank of good luck, unfortunately you started with five ranks of bad luck.

I wish fruit screamed in pain as it was eaten/peeled/processed.

 

[ble003]

everything edible except vegetables and humans now screams in pain at all times.

i wish to, each time i wake up, for each piece of semantic knowledge i gained between the previous time i woke up and the previous time i went to sleep, have learned correctly whether or not that knowledge is true.

 

[SomeUnregPunk]

Congratulations! You are now a sentient iPhone that is owned by a young hyperactive preteen girl.

I wish for fresh orange juice in a glass cup.

 

[Nunaden]

Whenever you try to drink your glass of orange juice it vaporises and when you put the glass away it condenses into the glass again.

i wish for a shotgun that doesnt explode when i pull the trigger, is full automatic and uses an ammo belt.

 

[Pandagnome]

Your shotgun is so much fun you forget to turn it off and as a result have wiped out half the planet on autopilot you wake up and decide that autopilot was not a good idea .

I wish that what ever i pointed to would turn into the food or drink that i am thinking!

 

[ble003]

each finger, toe and nose that can receive signals from your brain is considered pointing at all times.

i wish for the ability to disable the fecundity of any creature until i want it to return, as often and as many times as i want. this ability activates when and only when i want it to, and can be targeted by pointing, thinking of their face and name, or thinking of a demographic (ie invertebrates in spaces that i or anyone i've shaken the hand of owns or rents, the cells of anyone who is asleep and could activate a nuclear missile in less than ten minutes if they were awake and wanted to). if i target a multicellular lifeform, it does not affect their component cells or symbiotes, unless it has to in order to disable the fecundity of the targeted multicellular lifeform. it affects biological capability to reproduce, not behavior or desire to do so. (this is not complicated, punk)

 

[W.cheff]

each finger, toe and nose that can receive signals from your brain is considered pointing at all times.

i wish for the ability to disable the fecundity of any creature until i want it to return, as often and as many times as i want. this ability activates when and only when i want it to, and can be targeted by pointing, thinking of their face and name, or thinking of a demographic (ie invertebrates in spaces that i or anyone i've shaken the hand of owns or rents, the cells of anyone who is asleep and could activate a nuclear missile in less than ten minutes if they were awake and wanted to). if i target a multicellular lifeform, it does not affect their component cells or symbiotes, unless it has to in order to disable the fecundity of the targeted multicellular lifeform. it affects biological capability to reproduce, not behavior or desire to do so. (this is not complicated, punk)

the ability to disable the fruitfulness/fertility of any organism and/or demographic you point to/think of without otherwise affecting said organism/demographic is granted to you. however you become so narcissistic that you only ever think of (and desire to reproduce with) yourself from this point on

I wish I had the power to reduce any overly verbose statement into simple and easily understood questions and/or instructions, So myself and others didn't have to spend 5 fucking minutes looking up the meanings of, and translating the praising of, other people wishes.

Not complicated my ass.

 

[ble003]

you hear all talk and text like caveman talk. it rubs off on you.

[
when i think about making a wish here, i always end up thinking of ways they can be corrupted. and it would be boring if people corrupted in a way i've already thought about, so i end up being really specific. like in that case i got hung up on how for beneficial bacteria you could consider them part of their host.

i'll tone down the legalese. reading back a bit, many corruptions say that the thing happens but a bad event happens too, or the wish only partially granted. i think the wish itself bringing ruin, either by making a bad event outside your control worse or by being granted too hard, is more satisfying. the caveats specifically make people less likely to make the kinds of corruption i like, which is counterproductive.

i'll try not to think about ways my wishes can be corrupted, and if i still think of any that are complicated to prevent within the wish maybe i'll just post them in a spoiler like rocketeer did in the second post of this page.
]

i wish i could completely hide up to three centimeters of each of my beard-hairs under the skin on my face, as well as stop hiding them, whenever i want, and it wouldn't look weird, be uncomfortable, or harm me.

Spoiler: i though of one

it goes in and comes out again immediately.

 

[W.cheff]

you gain the ability to retract 3cm of all your bodily hair. but it's all your body hair at once (so no eyebrows when it's retracted)

I understand with the legalese making it harder to corrupt a wish in a predictable manner, but i feel it makes it harder to corrupt a wish in general. I will promise you this though. I'll try my darnedest to corrupt any wish i come across in a hopefully interesting and amusing manner.

I wish flies stayed a minimum 1 meter away from me at all times.