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Pandagnome

Kaiju Slayer
Happy Kaiju
Jul 27, 2016
3,144
3,110
113
Island of Tofu
mechadrive.com
You get a knock on the door its from amazon prime! Eagerly open the package and there is a soap every time you rub the soiled side the sensation is soooo strong you cant help but dive into your neighbors lawn and rolling around in mud. When you get back you forget what had happened noticing how muddy you are and go to the shower but when you rub the other side every soap channel is channeled into your shower head each drop of water gives you the memories of 100s of episode, you come out smelling fresh with heightened soap knowledge and everything else is meaningless.

I wish for hair that retracts so i can be bald in the summer and have an afro in the winter
 

ble003

Commander
Aug 7, 2016
1,007
437
83
all the hair on your body goes under your skin and is connected the hair on the top of your head. so if you retract your head-hair, your eyelashes and beard and armpit-hair and such will become really long. and if you cut it and then extend it so you get an afro you won't have hair anywhere else.

soap now emits ionizing radiation, but only in one direction. the other side is just like now; soap basically soils you so you get cleaner when you clean that off too.

I wish for the ability to freeze carbonation in drinks so they become less carbonated and have dry-ice in them.
 
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Pandagnome

Kaiju Slayer
Happy Kaiju
Jul 27, 2016
3,144
3,110
113
Island of Tofu
mechadrive.com
Your wish is granted ooh wow you have become a tycoon of BLEEEEEEEEE the coolest drinks in the world
sponsored by all the major film stars. Your plan seems to have worked but gradually you notice everyone speaking slower
they move slower some have eventually turned into popsicles and fallen into rivers floating away. You hardly notice it since you
go skiing alot and do snowboard tricks in slow-mo for your next big advertising campaign when you see the camera man break in half and roll down the hill you pick the pieces up and take him but a polar bear follows you thinking you are his mate and are forced to live in a cave beneath the cave until the bear has gone!.

I wish for my hands to turn into miniature version of my head so i can talk to people with my hands and leave my main head sleeping
 

ble003

Commander
Aug 7, 2016
1,007
437
83
the small brains can't be as smart as a big brain, so they're really boring to talk to and don't always make the decisions you would have. also you no longer have fingers because your hands are heads.


I wish for the ability that when I relay a single concept in what I believe is a french accent, people other than me who perceive it will forget that concept and what it represents for precisely ten minutes.
examples:
when I say "gun" with a french accent, people will forget the word gun, what guns do, and how to use them.
when I make people read an IPA transcript of a french person saying "untruth", they will forget that it's possible to lie.

this wish does not affect my understanding of what a french accent is.
the effect itself is magical, but it only affects brain-chemistry, and affects it as little as possible.
the ability has no effects that last more than twelve minutes.
 
Jul 26, 2016
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WTF. I'm pretty sure I was responding to something but I forgotten what it was or where it came from. Oh well.

I wish for a bucket of fried chicken.
 
WTF. I'm pretty sure I was responding to something but I forgotten what it was or where it came from. Oh well.

I wish for a bucket of fried chicken.
In the mail from an address that shouldn't exist you find a $400 USD gift card for a restaurant called Ken's Frosted Coyote. Looking up the address on the internet to try and find out what the heck is going on, their website appears with pictures that show that all the employees are race of giant space chickens and the restaurant is an enormous space station that looks like a bucket. The space station is apparently powered by used cooking grease and oil from earth, but it's hot enough inside to fry an egg because the grease likes to leak out of the tanks in tiny floating bubbles due to an overworked and glitchy industrial teleporter, so fly-through is the only option. The Frosted Coyote itself can be ordered as legs, nuggets with dip, a sandwich, or even a pot pie and is very tasty as it's tasty, tender and juicy, combined with sweet frosting of your choice, be it cake or homemade.

For only $1 USD a pound, the only downside to such deliciousness is having to worry about getting to space and back in a reasonable amount of time without becoming one with the quantum grease. (it was ether this or your fried chicken still having a head speaking in spanish but is actually portuguese.)

Can 't do a wish right now, got to go eat a freshly delivered chezbuger from Hardy's (Carl Jr's in some places).
 
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ble003

Commander
Aug 7, 2016
1,007
437
83
you have no esophagus. your stomach is instead filled by portals that open in the esophagi of spiders within one kilometer of you. this prevents the spiders from filling unless you are full, so as long as you are nearby at least some spiders will die constantly, and you die if you're away from spiders too long. so you now always need more spiders, and you know that.

I wish for the ability to remote-control people's facial-expression with my own.
to use this ability, I look into a mirror and make an expression while imagining the person I want to control making the same expression.
I can set their expression to repeat how I just controlled it doing by thinking "rinse and repeat" just after I've used the ability. in that case, it will repeat until I control it again.
The expression-control is tight enough to interfere with speech, but not prevent it.
the ability has no effect on me; I don't even get confirmation it's working if I can't see the target, but it always works.
 
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I wish for the ability to remote-control people's facial-expression with my own.
to use this ability, I look into a mirror and make an expression while imagining the person I want to control making the same expression.
I can set their expression to repeat how I just controlled it doing by thinking "rinse and repeat" just after I've used the ability. in that case, it will repeat until I control it again.
The expression-control is tight enough to interfere with speech, but not prevent it.
the ability has no effect on me; I don't even get confirmation it's working if I can't see the target, but it always works.
You become Koh the Face Stealer, but cannot steal someone's face who you have controlled for a short while after the control ends. Good luck 'baiting with no hands.


For no wishes to be left and not right.
 

Pandagnome

Kaiju Slayer
Happy Kaiju
Jul 27, 2016
3,144
3,110
113
Island of Tofu
mechadrive.com
Your wish is granted

After visiting your best buddy in the whole wide world you both do your signature handshake and finish off with a wave but this time the elevator doors open and close open and close rapidly, it seems that when 2 people wave a glitch occured so you are trapped in the elevator with your best buddy forever \o/

I wish to truly talk out of my butt and be the most amazing ventriloquist while holding a small rock with a face
 

ble003

Commander
Aug 7, 2016
1,007
437
83
your butt is replaced by a copy of your mouth and nose. you need to be gassy to be able to use them to talk. also sitting is uncomfortable and stops you from talking and they have senses of taste and smell respectively.

Spiders are my sig, not my wish.
now you always need spiders to live, so you always know what you need. the wish was granted. I might have ended up on spiders even if it wasn't in your signature. this is my eighth post with spider in it in this forum.

...plus one that's narrative and implies a giant spider is flirting with the reader without actually containing the word spider.

I wish to
 
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your butt is replaced by a copy of your mouth and nose. you need to be gassy to be able to use them to talk. also sitting is uncomfortable and stops you from talking and they have senses of taste and smell respectively.


now you always need spiders to live, so you always know what you need. the wish was granted. I might have ended up on spiders even if it wasn't in your signature. this is my eighth post with spider in it in this forum.

...plus one that's narrative and implies a giant spider is flirting with the reader without actually containing the word spider.

I wish to
The image didn't upload properly, I'd suggest you upload it to someplace like Imgur and use a link to that page instead.
 

ble003

Commander
Aug 7, 2016
1,007
437
83
I now repulse all unhealthy food.


I wish in every constitution it always said and always will say that from the nineteenth of march 2018 and as long as that constitution remains, everyone who holds or is running for political office magically has cat-ears and a cat-tail, and that that magic works.
also everyone who wants cat-ears and/or a cat-tail magically has that.

they immediately disappear when the person doesn't fulfill either of the requirements.
the enchantment can't be used to do anything else. it only registers when and where there is a person that fulfills the requirements for cat-features they don't have, and when and where there is a person who does not fulfill the requirements for cat-features they have. it also doesn't keep logs or enable logs to be kept.

the cat-features have the same body-language as they would have on a cat, but none of the enchantments affect anyone in any way other than giving them these specific external cat-features.

the tail is slightly longer than the distance from their pelvis to their head, and the ears are about the size of their palm.
they are covered in hair that's like a softer version of the hair the person would grow as a beard (so non-allergenic).
 
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I wish in every constitution it always said and always will say that from the nineteenth of march 2018 and as long as that constitution remains, everyone who holds or is running for political office magically has cat-ears and a cat-tail, and that that magic works.
also everyone who wants cat-ears and/or a cat-tail magically has that.

they immediately disappear when the person doesn't fulfill either of the requirements.
the enchantment can't be used to do anything else. it only registers when and where there is a person that fulfills the requirements for cat-features they don't have, and when and where there is a person who does not fulfill the requirements for cat-features they have. it also doesn't keep logs or enable logs to be kept.

the cat-features have the same body-language as they would have on a cat, but none of the enchantments affect anyone in any way other than giving them these specific external cat-features.

the tail is slightly longer than the distance from their pelvis to their head, and the ears are about the size of their palm.
they are covered in hair that's like a softer version of the hair the person would grow as a beard (so non-allergenic).
(Edited) Congrats, all politicians and their spouses are now are cat-people. People will ocassionally comment, reference, complain, and/or curse how a "damn weeb with a genie" made cat people real. Many of these same people feel annoyed and/or angry because it didn't allow a way to make real life anime esque Cat-Girls a reality at the same time, or because they hate furries and/or bronies with a passion to rival a trash talking gamer's anger toward campers and teammates. (Edit end)


I'd "wish" for Cannon to start producing cannons, Electronic Arts (EA) to start making digital art and be less of a greedy company, Warner Brothers to start manufacturing warning and hazards signs, and for Adobe to build houses made out of the material of the same name, simply for the lulz and to help 'Murcia get out of debt so that a foreign country doesn't end up buying or controlling America (you don't want all the restaurants to become Taco Bell like in the Demolition Man movie).
 
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ble003

Commander
Aug 7, 2016
1,007
437
83
all that happens, but you aren't cool yet and now you're on a watchlist.


I specified that
"none of the enchantments affect anyone in any way other than giving them these specific external cat-features."
and
"they are covered in hair that's like a softer version of the hair the person would grow as a beard (so non-allergenic)."
so I wish for a do-over.
 
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all that happens, but you aren't cool yet and now you're on a watchlist.


I specified that
"none of the enchantments affect anyone in any way other than giving them these specific external cat-features."
and
"they are covered in hair that's like a softer version of the hair the person would grow as a beard (so non-allergenic)."
so I wish for a do-over.
In one week you will be run over by a car that is driven by a man whose name when pronounced sounds like "do". Even worse, he will be in a gremlin that is painted a horrendous shade of green. The car will find you wherever you are, so staying at home will simply cause the car to drive through walls like a sledge hammer being dropped on gram-crackers, being on a boat will have the car be part of a crazy car launch stunt, and being in a plane or a bunker will have it fall from the sky on you from a nearby plane or space station. (and yes I edited my previous post for you)

I'd "wish" for various rhetorical insult phrases to be no longer used, such as "son of a b*tch/gun" and "f*ck you/off".
 

ble003

Commander
Aug 7, 2016
1,007
437
83
89% of people will now suspect anyone who uses rhetoric by any definition is a nazi.

I wish birds aren't lactose intolerant.
 

Pandagnome

Kaiju Slayer
Happy Kaiju
Jul 27, 2016
3,144
3,110
113
Island of Tofu
mechadrive.com
birds are no more lactose intolerant thanks to their lactose friendly belly they are now more fatter and happier.
However this has caused birds to blast out poop 100 times more faster and stronger and you cannot see much and everything smells of milk!


just another wonderful day :rolleyes:

I wish for all negative people to be kidnapped by space clowns to clown boot camp!
 
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