Corrupt a wish

[ble003]

same deal as on the firefall forums, but here. i'll also make one for "throw me a bone".

each player is to write a way in which the wish made in the previous post can be granted, that amusingly subverts the intent of that wish. bonus points if it's thematically appropriate, ironic or a good pun. also bonus points for providing visual reference. bonus points aren't tracked by any known power on this earth. it is unknown what purpose they serve.

i wish for an awesome exoskeleton.

 

[SomeUnregPunk]

The chairless seat is an exoskeleton that provides factory workers a comfortable seat that moves along side with and doesn't take up much of the factory floor.

I think it's awesome. You might not think so but since I'm granting it...it's an awesome exoskeleton.

I wish for macaroni and cheddar cheese in a wooden bowl with a wooden spoon.

 

[Nunaden]

the macaroni and cheddar in a wooden bowl is rotten ^^

i wish for a FN SCAR-L with a assault scope from leopold

 

[SunderPlunder]

Sure , but the gun is faulty as fck , and as soon as u put bullets in it, the gun blows up and shrapnels ruins yo face.

I wish i get to eat bacon forever and ever

 

[SomeUnregPunk]

You get to be bacon! Well at least until you are eaten.

I wish for a nice cold beverage.

 

[SunderPlunder]

you get a cold cup of ditch water , courtesy of me.

I wish I get to play no man's sky for free

 

[Torgue_Joey]

you'll have to wait 10 years for it to become F2P.

I wish for a real Torgue Shotgun.

 

[SomeUnregPunk]

No ammo though. The manufacturer exploded and no one is willing to try again.

I wish for some noodles and beef stir fry.

 

[Nunaden]

you get some cold noodles and rotten beef xD

i wish that im getting killed by a car since i cam't recycle my live xDDD

 

[ble003]

you wake up one day, knowing that you will be killed by a car in a year on that day. you try to tell people, but they think you are crazy. your parents become concerned, giving you increased attention for a few months before giving up. you become depressed and stay in bed staring at the ceiling, maintaining only the absolute minimums of hygiene you can imagine for yourself. one year later, you step out of your home in the evening and wearing dark clothing. you sit down in a poorly lit part of a highway and wait for death, quickly falling asleep. there's been an accident and the direction you're lying on isn't being used. when you wake up, it's past twelve. you didn't die. you see it as a sign try to get your life in order, but you can't. left without a future, without even a present, you commit suicide by hanging. you do it right, and die from your neck snapping rather than from strangulation.

full disclosure, i cried a bit while writing that. while we're on grim subjects.

i recently discovered the music of tom milsom through welcome to nightvale. i then discovered that he had been abusive towards an underage girlfriend. i wish that tom milsom retroactively never has nor will ever commit or be accused of any crime the local equivalent of myself considers more serious than shoplifting, in any universe.

 

[SomeUnregPunk]

Tom Milson dies at birth in every universe that has ever existed.

I wish for some toothpaste that actually tastes good.

 

[Nunaden]

you get a toothpaste that tastes good, but someone already used it

i want to be a PMC operator! (PMC = Private military company)

 

[ble003]

the only work you can get is either standing around or evil

i wish for the ability to turn off collision between objects (touch one object with each hand, mental activation, these objects can pass through each other at any time until they aren't inside each other and i decide they shouldn't anymore. an object is a set of molecules with a mass of up to ten tons, that if the force of gravity disappeared couldn't be separated by a force of one newton pushing at them from any direction)

 

[Nunaden]

you get your abilities, but you can jsut use them 1 minute and then you got to take a break xD

 

[SomeUnregPunk]

you get your abilities, but you can jsut use them 1 minute and then you got to take a break xD

Your wish is granted. I don't why you would want that but it's granted it's too bad that you didn't remember to post your wish... so you may never know that your wish is granted. Well.. that is until that thing you wished for decides to stop watching you while you sleep while lightly petting you. It certainly got enough claws and tongue girth to do something aggressive.

I wish for ice-cream.

 

[Nunaden]

you get your ice cream but its already molten

i wish for a non existing wish ^^

 

[ble003]

you will now never wish for anything, a shell of a human being.

i wish for precisely the haircut i want.

 

[SomeUnregPunk]

And you'll get it after you die. The mortician that works on you will be praised for his talent in reconstructing you perfectly to your wishes.

man, I think I'm getting too dark here...

I wish that everyone will enjoy eternal happiness.

 

[ble003]

now everyone is happy all the time, nothing ever changes, and when we die... have you read hardboiled wonderland and the end of the world?

i wish for everyone's noses to grow by 0.1 millimeter whenever they lie, counting each person who hears it as a separate instance. noses return to normal by one millimeter per day, and you can save up to 0.5 negative millimeters that don't actually affect nose size(if your nose is its normal size, you can lie five times before it starts growing).

 

[SomeUnregPunk]

Sure but no one lies anymore.

I wish for some fruit juice.