Looks like you didn't hear the PSA about the rocket fuel shipment getting mixed up with the shampoo shipment. Do not use the shampoo that came in on the last shipment on your head. It does wonders when you put it in your THMPR though.
We have had an increasing number of mining related injuries. Sadly the emergency medical response teams have been frequently unable to identify the injured.
When sending a request to the orbital station for a THMPR, please stand clear of the projected landing zone. Carbonized bone matter is incredibly dificult to seperate from multi alloy armors. We are running out of high grit buffer disks.
Any further expenses will be removed from the users life insurance.
All personnel, please remember to turn OFF your stealth module BEFORE exiting your omniframe. It is NOT (snickers) funny.
Please refrain from throwing wild parties on the main base as the lights and noise attract Kaiju.
Remember: it's halloween. Do not engage child-like kaiju as they may be actual children in masks. Also, please wait at least 8 hours after you stuff yourself with candy before returning to your omniframe, as cramps may set in during a battle.
A reminder that trick or treating outside of the designated trick-or-treating zone is strictly prohibited as some tsi-hu may have forgotten to buy candy. Thank you.
To the person who keeps stealing all the potatos for the mess hail. We will find you and we will stop you. Mashed potato Monday and french fry Friday will happen. ...What?... What mean "a giant hole in the ground?"... Disregard this message we know where to find the culprit now.
*Meanwhile the culprit is falling down a large hole.*
Just a friendly reminder from the Bureau of Health and Safety. Please remember to always make sure all firearms and explosives are locked and secured in safety mode when not in active combat. And always watch where you step to avoid accidents. We have notice there has been a surge of injuries lately involving people carrying a lot of weapons and having those weapons go off when not attended. Remember the best way to use a weapon is also the safest way.
Meanwhile near the edge of the base a raid party is about to start a mission.
PSA: "We may not have huskies here on Em-8er, but the age old advice from the great scholar Frank Zappa holds true today; don't you eat that yellow snow."
*fade into song being played over the PA system*
To all the pilots named Johnny who know how to play instruments. Please report Lab 6 in wing D. I repeat. To all the pilots named Johnny who know how to play instruments. Please report Lab 6 in wing D. An exploration team has come back from some ruins with an odd golden violin and alien text. They need someone named Johnny to play some music with the violin to see if what the text says is true. That is all.
Hey Em-8er is a game where rifts in spacetime is a common thing. Who knows where those rifts lead to? lol
attention: the Initiative for Reaping Shifters (IRS) requires all pilots to slaughter all shifters and kaiju on sight. Caution: in doing so, you place both your life and your omniframe license at risk.
101. The higher ups don’t know why but I am no longer allowed to prepare the Thanksgiving turkey.
102. Even if sulfur is in the snow itself, can’t use a back hoe excavator for collecting them.
103. A dropship is not a pilotless missile. Stop giving the younger reapers any ideas about it.
104. The self destruct button is not a smiley face.
105. Omniframe cameras and female tsi-hus are mutually exclusive.
106. Not allowed to blow raspberries over the comms.
107. The rest of everyone will make wild guesses of me for macking on underage tsi-hus.
108. Even if they are over a thousand years old.
109. Fidget spinners are not viable melee weapons.
110. Nor as helicopter rotary blades.
111. Nor as kinetic deflectors.
112. Nor as replacement for caterpillar track sockets.
113. Nor as propellers.
114. Where exactly do you get these ideas anyway?
115. Not allowed to talk to Torgue_Joey in an Arabic accent.
116. Even then, I can’t trade with acetone peroxide as currency.
117. Even if I can make them with lab grade peroxide and plastic solvents.
118. Just what the hell are the FBI and the NSA doing here?
119. A pickup truck with an omniframe weapon bolted on the bed does not constitute as a fighting vehicle.
120. Even if it is cheaper.
121. We are not reenacting the Great Toyota War for real. Stop giving the younger reapers any ideas.
122. A black flag with white Arabic calligraphies does not intimidate the tsi-hus.
123. Walkürenritt is not an appropriate cavalry music.
124. Not allowed to name my omniframe, The honorificabilitudinitatibus
125. Nor naming the base, Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu
126. Goes double if the base is situated on a hill.
127. Even if she has tons of plot armor, can’t make Saldara Garrack as my co-pilot.
128. Can’t build a personal D-gate just to rain asteroids on the planet.
129. Can’t build a personal D-gate just to rain asteroids on some random insect on the planet.
130. Can’t use a D&D sourcebook as omniframe reference.
131. “Low Orbit Asteroids” is not an appropriate dropship squadron name.
132. If my plasma shotgun happens to one-shot a Cat 4 on the head, we have a problem.
133. If the rate of fire and/or particle effects of my gun happens to reduce the frame rate of other reapers to single digits, I am to discontinue using it.
134. Not allowed to make out with other tsi-hus in public. It makes other single reapers lonely.
135. Quit hogging the artifacts.
136. Kaijus are not house pets. Stop bringing one to base.
137. Not allowed to have more than an hour watching tsi-hu erotic dancers.
138. If my plasma shotgun happens to cut off a kaiju limb in one shot, time to equip a smaller gun.
139. Grand Theft Auto is not an appropriate driving simulator.
140. Nor as a mission simulator.
141. Tsi-hus are not to be eaten. This issue is closed.
142. Prepping for an invasion does not mean hiding under the basement.
143. Not allowed to use my omniframe exhausts to cook BBQs.
144. There is no such thing as Plasma Shotgun +10 vs Kaiju. Stop referencing D&D sourcebooks.
145. My first wish cannot be a WWE Royal Rumble PPV between Pacific Rim kaijus and EM-8ER kaijus.
146. Calling shotgun does not include a cannon loaded with grapeshot.
147. Not allowed to know the boiling point of alien ruins.
148. A hairstyle larger than the cockpit is forbidden.
149. Power Word: 9/11 is not a real omniframe ability.
150. After a successful invasion defense, not allowed to start a jihadist riot inside perimeter walls.
151. Cannot join an invasion while drunk. This isn’t the Eastern Front.
152. Cannot join an invasion while on drugs. This isn’t the Eastern Front.
153. Can’t strap my THMPR with a bomb vest.
154. Not allowed to send tsi-hus to sensitivity probation.
155. If I’m on the helm, “All aboard Auschwitz Express” is not to be uttered.
156. Landmines are not filled with narcotics.
157. Not allowed to smuggle nukes in and out of the planet.
158. Magic Missile Launcher is not an omniframe weapon.
159. Pom-poms and a mankini is not an appropriate uniform.
160. Dental floss in not a substitute for trip wires.
161. We are not stingy so quit strapping cameras to our weather balloons.
162. Even if they are effective.
163. Quit making the tsi-hus wear latex garments.
164. Or black leather.
165. Or bunny ears.
166. Or navels (if they have any).
167. Or assless chaps.