Death Jokes

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DinsdaleP13

Firstclaimer
Jul 26, 2016
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Arizona, U.S.A.
#21
I'll draw you a map, so you don't get lost again.

Staying with the death jokes a bit:
A vulture tries to board an airplane with two dead deer. The flight attendant stops him and says "Sir, customers are only allowed one carrion each."
 
Nov 3, 2017
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Australia
#22
Three men are lines up at the pearly gates and they are greeted by St Peter. St. Peter informs them that heaven is getting a little full these days and that they can only enter if they died horrible deaths. the first man step up and says that he had worked hard all his life for a 7th story apartment for him and his wife, yet he knew his wife was cheating on him. so one day he returns home early and finds his wife naked in bed alone. in a rage he searches the apartment until he finds the other hanging from the balcony. so he stomps on this guys fingers and watches as the bastard falls. but miraculously the bastard lives. so he runs into the kitchen, full of adrenaline, picks up the fridge, throws it over the balcony and crushes the bastard to death. All this stress causes him to have a heart attack and he dies. St Peter lets him in.

The second man tells St. Peter that he was something of a fitness nut and had just purchased a new treadmill. Only something had gone wrong and he was thrown from his 8th story balcony. He does however manage to grab onto the 7th floor balcony . Then some lunatic runs out and stomps all over his fingers causing him to fall again. somehow he lives through the fall and desperately needs help when than damned lunatic throws god damned fridge onto him and he dies. St. Peter lets him in.\

The third man steps up

"So, I'm crouched naked inside a fridge right..."
 
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