Death Jokes

Discussion in 'Flamewars, Gripes and Complaints' started by Kouyioue, Sep 21, 2016.

  1. Kouyioue

    Kouyioue Active Member

    WooooOOOOOoo ! ! !! Death Jokes ! ! ! !! I'm gonna start a fight ! !

    I'm gonna joke about dying and you're gonna laugh ! ! >:D
    Let's all have fun ! ! 99%(ish) of all humans who have ever lived on this planet are dead anyways :)

    So let me have fun joking about the columbine and the twin towers because they both happened more than 15 YEARS ago ^_^

    [whiny squeaky voice] OOOooOOOEUUUGHHH! ! !! ! People died that daaay Hooow daare youuu ! !! ! WHHHIIIINE ! ! ! ANGER ! ! ANGST ! ! !
    Too bad, slick: 6000 people die every hour, get over it. :D

    This is like those social justice warriors that: just because you let your friend into the lunch line, they try to start a bitchFight that EVERYONE should get a free pass too. this is hilarious ! ! ! ! .

    [Whiny Voice again]
    " But Kotuuuuuu ! ! ! ! ! The twin towers and the columbine have sentimental value to the indirect victims SO THESE EVENTS GET A SOCIAL JUSTICE PASS! ! ! "
    pffft ! ! so? ^_^ EVERY death has sentimental value. Get over it >:D


    Get ~ over ~ itttt ... ! ! !
    , Get ~ over ~ itttt ... ! ! ! ,
    ♪ ♪
    Get ~ over ~ itttt ... ! ! !
    , Get ~ over ~ itttt ... ! ! ! ,
    ♫ ♫

    ♥ Insulting peoples' followthrough is bliss. ♥ ♥
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2016
    Death and Nunaden like this.
  2. Pandagnome

    Pandagnome Well-Known Member Happy Kaiju

    I accidentally sat on a bug the death was instant but the stain was horrific .. rip my purple shorts :(
    summer wont be the same
    Biglulu and Mythos like this.
  3. Torgue_Joey

    Torgue_Joey Emberite -Death Reaper KAIJU 'SPLODER

    Biglulu likes this.
  4. Kouyioue

    Kouyioue Active Member

    How to make a building collapse kid-friendly:

    Biglulu likes this.
  5. Torgue_Joey

    Torgue_Joey Emberite -Death Reaper KAIJU 'SPLODER


    (EDIT: I somewhat having problem to post a gif :/ )
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2016
    Biglulu and Mahdi like this.

    DARKB1KE Well-Known Member

    I find it pathetic that these gunmen storm into schools and take out their anger on the kids. They should just off themselves.
    Mahdi likes this.
  7. SomeUnregPunk

    SomeUnregPunk Emberite

    Suicidal people that don't want attention successfully kill themselves alone.
    Suicidal people that want attention will kill in public in the hopes they will die with their face plastered all over the media.
    There are people that attack cops hoping they will die and get the attention they feel they deserve.
    Mahdi likes this.
  8. Kouyioue

    Kouyioue Active Member

    [Addressing an amputee]: You can hide, but you can't run! ! ! >:D
  9. Torgue_Joey

    Torgue_Joey Emberite -Death Reaper KAIJU 'SPLODER

    A paralysed man meet an blind guy.

    Paralysed man: imma kick your ass.
    Blind guy: I wanna see that.
    NitroMidgets and Mahdi like this.
  10. That reminds me of this:

    One fine day, in the middle of the night
    Two dead boys got up to fight
    Back to back they faced each other,
    Drew their swords and shot one another.

    One was blind and one couldn't see
    So they called in a dummy for referee
    A blind man came to see fair play
    A mute man came to shout hooray.

    A paralyzed mule passing by
    Kicked the blind man in the eye
    Knocked them through a nine inch wall
    Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.

    A deaf policeman heard the noise
    And came and shot the two dead boys
    If you don't believe this story's true,
    Ask the blind man, he saw it too.

    This song was originally posted at:
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  11. RaZoR

    RaZoR Deepscanner

    Well for the facts, as of 2015, there have been 108.2 billion who have ever been born. Taking away the roughly 7.4 billion who are alive today, we get 100.8 billion who have died before us dating back to 50,000 BC.
    So we are at 7% living atm, 93% of all humans born are in memory.
    50,000 BC - 2
    1 AD - 300,000

    A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
    The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
    The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
    There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

  12. SomeUnregPunk

    SomeUnregPunk Emberite

    okay sure... I'll bite.

    What’s 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
    Crib death.
    Torgue_Joey likes this.
  13. Mythos

    Mythos New Member

    #BlueWhales #SeaOfWhales
  14. d1g

    d1g New Member

    A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.

    “Magic beer,” he says.

    “Oh, yeah? What’s so magical about it?”

    Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, flies around the building, then finally returns to his seat with a triumphant smile.

    “Amazing!” the man says. “Lemme try some of that!” The man grabs the beer. He downs it, leaps off the roof —and plummets 15 stories to the ground.

    The bartender shakes his head. “You know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
  15. Death

    Death Member

    I approve.
    Pandagnome likes this.
  16. Pandagnome

    Pandagnome Well-Known Member Happy Kaiju

    Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car? Because he was a car-case!

  17. DinsdaleP13

    DinsdaleP13 Firstclaimer

    Why'd @Death necro the dead thread?

    Because he could.

    Long time no see. Welcome back.
  18. NitroMidgets

    NitroMidgets Tsi-Hu Hunter

    Sadly a friend and I joke around and say horrible things so often that one day he called and said his wife (also a friend) was gone. I simply asked where she went. He seemed as confused as I was. Then he replied that he had no idea. It was one of lifes great mysteries.
    Yep, still confused I asked he used her Iphones thing to see where she was. He said it wasn't going to help. I like to solve things so I kepy asking more questions. Finally he while still in the grieving room at the ER was forced to bluntly state that she died.
    I was suddenly way less confused but I did immediately call back to clarify that this was not another horrible joke at the others expense. Thirty minutes later I was standing there in an ER looking at her body. Got to admit, part of me wondered if he had just upped his game at screwing with people and any minutes she would start laughing at me.
    I sure like my friends but sometimes I think our jokes need a Safe Word to avoid misunderstandings.
  19. Pandagnome

    Pandagnome Well-Known Member Happy Kaiju

    I have a buddy who does love his jokes does brighten up the day especially in those really crappy times. Sometimes i cannot tell if he actually is joking which is the worrying thing but he does put a brave face even when things are not going right.

    Remember this one joke he said it wasnt funny but to me i had to put my hand over my mouth because of those annoyed looks from those readers in the library. To add to the situation hearing a fart in the distance made me cry i had to escape the library at all cost.

    The joke was

    What is the difference between a skydiver and a golfer?
    Golfer goes whack ....damn and the skydiver goes damn....whack!
    DinsdaleP13, Degiance, Death and 2 others like this.
  20. Death

    Death Member

    Because I could, correct. And thank you, feels good to be back here after a long time.

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