Things Drakin5 is no longer allowed to do on EM-8ER.

Drakin5

Drakin5

Omni Ace
#1
Dec 15, 2016
1,135
2,021
113
#1
Now I just thought of this and it’s kinda funny reading the original Skippy’s List and the clones of it. So just a fyi: don’t take it seriously; it’s just for good laughs. Some are offensive and disturbing so consider this as a content warning.

1. I am not allowed to use a D-Gate for Russian Roulette.
2. Shouting “Get over here!” with a grappling hook against an airborne Tsi-hu is frowned upon.
3. I am not to bribe Torgue_Joey with boxes full of TNT just for him to become the next Michael Bay.
4. Any counter invasion plan that involves 2 working passenger airplanes, half a million kilos of explosives and Tsi-hu city skyscrapers is vetoed.
5. No, we are not setting the terraforming machine to ‘Antarctica’ just so I can mine for phased ores.
6. Any counter invasion plan that involves manipulating the weather patterns of EM-8ER with the use of a wand is vetoed.
7. Customizing omniframes is encouraged. Naming one as ‘Jihad Express’ then slapping an overpowered self destructing ability is not.
8. If I am in possession of cartography materials and a book on uranium enrichment process, I am to surrender them immediately.
9. I am not to taunt and tease Degiance as ‘our local furry’. Remember that cats have retractable claws.
10. Kaiju trafficking is not an acceptable sideline.
11. Legalisation of kaiju trafficking is not acceptable either.
12. I am no longer allowed to uncover Tsi-hu ruins alone. We don’t want to know why the Gatestrider researchers are laughing about this.
13. If my omniframe firepower exceeds that of a CAT 3 kaiju, we have a problem.
14. If my omniframe firepower exceeds that of the CMS Arclight, we have a problem.
15. If my omniframe firepower exceeds that of a CAT 3 kaiju and CMS Arclight combined, we have a serious problem.
14. Victory party from a successful invasion defense does not include Tsi-Hu hookers.
15. Assisting in building bases is encouraged. Naming the base “The Kaiju Outhouse” is not.
16. It doesn’t matter if I have administrative access; we are not building nukes just to recreate Germany winning WW2 on our enemies.
17. Our datacenter personnel is not in charge of uncovering explicit Tsi-hu websites.
18. My THMPR is not my tunnel boring machine.
19. I am not to use my THMPR to create a ‘safe hole’ from an invasion.
20. I am not to call down orbital strikes on a lone wounded Tsi-hu.
21. Any battleplan that includes capturing kaiju eggs is vetoed.
22. The shield generator is not to be named as ‘The 10k Diaper’.
23. I am not to address Torgue_Joey as General Juhziz.
24. Any assassination plan that involves poisoning a Gatestrider defector with a radioactive bullet is vetoed.
25. Invasions are not to be treated as house parties.
26. The light omniframe pilot is not the trap monkey.
27. The heavy omniframe pilot is not compensating for something.
28. The medium omniframe pilot is not Salvador incarnate.
29. Any invasion defense plan that involves kaiju rodeos is vetoed.
30. If ever we build a base near a volcano, I am not allowed to name it “Pinch This Pimple”.
31. If ever we build a base near a volcano, I am not allowed to name it “Pompeii”.
32. If ever we build a base near a volcano, I am not allowed to name it “Gorowyn”.
33. Even if I am allowed to do it, painting my dual scimitar wielding light omniframe with dark hues then naming it “Drizzt” is not acceptable.

More will come later.
 
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Drakin5

Drakin5

Omni Ace
#8
Dec 15, 2016
1,135
2,021
113
#8
35. The self destruct button stays as is. I am not allowed to change the icon to the one that reads “Allahu Akbar” in Arabic.
36. In case we have to capture live Tsi-hus, the designated room for them does not double as a brothel.
37. Requesting a coordinated effort to take down a CAT 4 or 5 is encouraged. Calling it ‘Exterminatus’ is not.
38. We are not installing a power outlet on your omniframe just because you forgot to charge your phone.
39. When building a base, I am to be reminded that the omniframe hangar does not have a fixed ceiling.
40. The refinery does not double as a uranium enrichment facility.
41. The THMPR work ethic is not ‘Drill until we hit evil’.
42. No, we are not building a deepscan array just so you can mine all the fissile ores available.
43. It is called the terraforming station, not the Garden of Eden Creation Station.
44. Not allowed to use the terraforming station to start a weather touring business.
45. It doesn’t matter if it is a brilliant strategy. We are not selling illegal drugs on the Tsi-hu just to destabilize their society.
46. No, the base reactor does not accept marijuana as an alternative fuel source.
47. In case we have to capture live Tsi-hus, the designated room does not double as a sweatshop.
48. Tsi-hu bases do not double as bio-chemical waste dumps.
49. The D-Gates are for exploration purposes only; not as a way for me to become a peeping tom to other alien races.
50. Not allowed to set the terraforming station to ‘desert’ just so everyone can have a tan for free.
51. I am not allowed to modify the shield generator so that the shield shape looks like a diaper.
52. No, we will not create an omniframe with a compartment for a life sized inflatable Tsi-hu.
53. The terraforming station does not have a reverse gear which can undo weeks of work in minutes.
54. When tasked to raid a Tsi-hu supply line, I am not allowed to talk like a 17th century pirate.
55. In case we have to capture live Tsi-hus, I am not allowed to start a modelling business with them.
56. Not allowed to describe the Orbital Comm Tower as the ‘pointy needle thingy that makes boom boom to everything’.
57. Calling the Tsi-hu base commander through the phone then shooting it so he dies by the gunshots is not an acceptable assassination plan.
58. Forcing a Tsi-hu to play Russian Roulette is an alignment check.
59. Cheese graters are not acceptable omniframe melee weapons.
60. When told to distract the invading army, I am not to use kaiju pheromone and punji sticks.
61. In case we have to capture live Tsi-hus, I will not label the room for them as ‘Crack Den’.
62. If we have to build a base near a body of water, I am not to name it “Davy Jones’ Locker”.
63. I am not allowed to rename the shield generator to a popular diaper brand name.
64. The supply depot is not the place where I stash my Tsi-hu magazines.
65. Even if we combine the powers together, the terraforming station and the Orbital Comm Tower is not capable of conjuring deadly lightning storms over an invading Tsi-hu.
66. If #65 is successful anyways, I am not to call it “Weather Control Device” and the Tsi-hu commander doesn’t get a prompt “Warning: weather control device detected!” over their comms.
67. No, we are not making omniframe abilities that involve violating the warning announcement of WWE shows.
68. If the shoulder mounted weapon is an explosive type, the icon is not “Allahu Akbar” in Arabic.
 
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Drakin5

Drakin5

Omni Ace
#11
Dec 15, 2016
1,135
2,021
113
#11
69. When ordered to come up with a battle plan, I am not allowed to mention, “a large dropship full of kaiju eggs” and “crashing to the tallest superstructure”.
70. If I discover a gas planet with the use of the D-Gate, I am not allowed to call it Jewpiter.
71. Laying mines and barbed wire in front of the base is okay. Labelling the said area ‘DMZ’ is pushing it.
72. No stealing someone else’s omniframe. That goes double if it is done GTA style.
73. We are not building base reactors everywhere and treat them as overpowered IEDs.
74. DO NOT store your inflatable Tsi-hus on the supply depot.
75. In case there is a multitude of Tsi-hu soldiers surrendering, we are not ordering them to march for 100 kilometres without food or water on hostile environment.
76. Even if we do #75, we do not shoot them dead if they beg for food or water.
77. If we have to capture live Tsi-hus, the designated room for them is not labelled, ‘Science Test Subjects’.
78. Setting up a Gatestrider living quarters in a base is okay. Providing a “Tsi-hu Rented Overnight” service is not.
79. Our chemical weapons storage has to be more than just bottles of bleach and ammonia.
80. If the Gatestrider officer notices a room sized crematorium and a gas bill, I am not to tell them it’s a shower room.
81. If the battleplan includes the underlined words ‘necrophilia’ and ‘CPR’, I am no longer allowed to make more for the day.
82. Not allowed to set the terraforming station to ‘rainforest’ just to water the plants.
83. Tsi-hu body pillow...bad idea.
84. When told to prepare for an invasion, drinking a 100-gram shot of vodka is not the first on the list.
85. If my THMPR gets to have a voice box, I am not allowed to set it to Sarcastic!Hawke.
86. If we have to capture live Tsi-hus, the room for them is not called ‘Slave Dungeon’.
87. If we ever have to build a base on a deserted island, I am not allowed to name it, “Leper Colony #1”.
88. Listening to music during an invasion is okay. If the music in question is “I’m a Barbie Girl”, we have a problem.
89. No hotwiring someone else’s omniframe just because mine is on cool down.
90. Spoiled food does not count as improvised bio weapons.
91. No vandalising someone else’s omniframe just because the base is about to be overrun.
92. The carrot cake is not an acceptable kaiju bait.
93. Not allowed to set the terraforming station to ‘shuffle’ just because I like pissing off meteorologists.
94. Medium omniframes get to dual wield guns. That does not mean the enemy is afraid of you if aimed the guns gangsta style.
95. Not allowed to call down orbital strikes on the ground as celebratory fireworks.
96. Drinking before fighting: encouraged. Getting sloshed before an invasion: bad idea.
97. I am to remind myself that my THMPR does not make holes solely on making trypophobic people freak out.
98. There is no ‘transuranium metals’ filter on the deepscan array.
99. The dropship is called dropship and not ‘bangship’.
100. If we have to capture live Tsi-hus, the room designated for them is not labelled ‘Meat Locker’.
 
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